Make no mistake though, these clothes utilize some pretty advanced technology. With his feathered hair, khakis and red safari shirt, Beastmaster doesn’t seem to be appearing in a futuristic shocker so much as heading off to a neighborhood barbecue. And really, is there anything you need to know about a man other than that?īeastmaster has very little dialogue and does most of his talking with his laser blaster and glazed over squint which he uses to convey both steely-eyed determination as well as disgust whenever the monster does something icky or when he has to shoot a critically injured crew member. I’d like to tell you that it was because of all his training in the Space Marines or because he grew up on some rough and tumble frontier planet, but that sounds an awful like backstory, doesn’t it? All I know about Beastmaster is that Tinpan is his best friend and that his spaceship is home. With the creature on the loose, it’s up to Beastmaster to pursue it while it’s up to the rest of the crew to get slaughtered! To be fair, Beastmaster is usually nearby when someone is getting sucked down airshafts, ripped in half or having their head ripped clean off their body, but he had a tendancy to roll out of the way with a lot more acumen than these egghead scientists. There’s this virus going around that we need to find a cure for and as everyone with either a second grade science education or a fertile imagination knows, to fight a really nasty virus, you need to create an even nastier virus! And that’s just what they did!Īnd then it hatched and turned in a frigging monster that looked sort of like Alien and Pumpkinhead! My history may be a little rusty, but I seem to recall that that’s how Jonas Salk cured polio. Once Beastmaster and Tinpan manage to fight off the enemy ships and damage their own ship enough that they have to hang around fighting aliens at this lab, we finally get some information on just what it was that set off the chest-bursting, parasitic monsters this time. So many of these really short Alien homages take lots of valuable time to describe all sorts of backstory with empires, rebels, haunted spaceships and mining companies. It’s a mark of how much credit this movie gives its audience that nothing is ever explained about why Beastmaster and Tinpan find themselves in a dogfight with three other spaceships. Besides, I’m sure that Beastmaster is just glad to not have to put with those stinky ferrets anymore.īeastmaster and Tinpan (which sounds like an old vaudeville act your grandfather would wax nostalgic about) respond to a distress call from a research station, but not before some interstellar warfare! It’s just one of those universal laws of robotics. I don’t care how advanced a civilization is, no matter if a robot can think for itself, feel emotions, or play poker, he’s always going to walk like he has a stick up his butt. And also because he walks like he has a stick up his butt. We also know he is a robot because of all the mechanical noises dubbed in whenever he moves. Tinpan is a robot who is a guy in a grey jumpsuit with a robot head. Beastmaster is in charge of a spaceship that has a total of one other crew member, Tinpan. Marc Singer ( Savate) is the Beastmaster of course, but in this movie he’s going by one of his less flaymobant and loin-cloth impaired identies, Captain Steve Krieger. Thankfully for us fans of scenes of people running through hallways, anxiously watching computer monitors, and trying to avoid clunky moving space monsters, the sexy stuff is strictly the stuff of dreams in this one! When you’ve got the Beastmaster prowling around a deep space research station, you can bet one of two things is going on: either he’s on the hunt for the most deadliest alien in the universe ever accidentally created by a couple of guys with an incubator or he’s on the make! What sort of movie is only 72 minutes long, but still has time for a slow motion love scene dream sequence? The sort of movie where the slow motion love scene dream sequence features the Beastmaster!
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